Celebrating Our One Year IUI Anniversary
The room is dim. It’s cold, but most doctor’s offices are. I tell myself I should have brought a jacket but then quickly remember I’m in a gown. My hips are elevated and it’s quiet. Just me and my thoughts. Hmm. I know this time will work. It just will. There was something in the air that told me this time was different. Everything felt so perfectly aligned. It had been six weeks since our first IUI attempt in this same office, this same room. When we received the news that it was unsuccessful, I surprised myself with my reaction. Unconcerned. Almost… content. There was something – someone – so deeply calming that told me everything was going to be okay. It just wasn’t the right time. But would this time be ‘the right time?’ I remind myself that my question could be a statement — I was just sure. As I try to keep myself warm, I let myself dream of receiving the call from the nurse two weeks from today, knowing what she would tell me and confirming the news in the first few moments as I assessed her tone. Tone says everything, doesn’t it? I’d hear her say so clear: you are pregnant.
It’s hard to believe it has been one year since our successful IUI. A pregnancy, a C-section, two newborns and 365 days have past yet the memory of those moments before, during and after the doctor’s visit feel as fresh as if they happened yesterday. The anticipation, the coordination of Tyler visiting the office first for his contribution before mine, the butterflies, the never ending injections… it’s all still so tangible. As I write, Roxy and Riley are taking their afternoon nap, allowing me the time to reflect. I am so thankful for our story.
I now know our infertility struggles happened for us, not to us. I feel like we were blessed with this hardship so that I would be able to share how the power of prayer and positivity can encourage anyone going through similar challenges. Something radical changed inside of me over the course of our pregnancy journey, and I want you to know the way you think about yourself and how you treat yourself can change your entire life.
Going through any challenge can reveal parts of yourself that you might not know need more TLC. I’ve always tried to treat my body well by eating healthy, exercising, and having a spiritual relationship with Jesus. In our first year of trying to conceive, I constantly thought that on paper, I’m a very healthy person… so why isn’t this physical part of me working? When you don’t have your cycle and you can’t get pregnant, it’s easy to feel lacking in the ‘womanhood’ department. But it wasn’t just my hormones that needed regulating. My soul needed better treatment.
How I found healing is further confirmation that God is always there, guiding you along your path to where you need it most. I had only been following my friend Caroline Kraddick on Instagram for a few weeks but really connected with her energy. She had posted about her favorite podcasts to listen to on hot girl walks, and something told me to look up the Dear Gabby podcast. I popped in my headphones and after half of one episode, I was hooked. I listened to everything I could then devoured Gabby’s book, Super Attractor. If you’re unfamiliar with her teachings, I encourage you to give her a listen — this is a great podcast to start with. She covers a broad spectrum of topics but as many people are, I was intrigued to learn more about her secrets to manifesting.
Not a total spoiler alert, but the secret to attracting the life you desire is to prioritize making yourself feel good and changing the beliefs that you have about who you are. I quickly realized I needed a major mindset change about getting pregnant… I was really being so, so hard on myself. After trying and trying, and watching other women get pregnant and have babies all around me, I was actually expecting to not get pregnant. In hindsight, I can now see I was in such a mindset of lack, paying too much attention to what I don’t have. I was praying, but I prayed in desperation. I was grateful, but not for the situation. And low and behold, as soon as I started my morning affirmations, meditating, journaling, and praying to God with thanksgiving for the struggle… we got pregnant.
Of course that’s only the first step— carrying twins can cause some serious panic and concerns and worries— but I kept up with my routine and had a healthy, full term pregnancy and two healthy babies. I know that a positive mindset is one part of a complicated equation, but there’s a reason cancer patients with positive attitudes are more likely to beat their disease. You can co-design your desired outcome by taking the steps to heal the parts of you that need your attention. I’m by no means taking full responsibility and credit for our healthy little miracles, but I can confidently say when I was able to forgive myself, trust with my whole heart and fully let go, I was *ready* to get pregnant. The timing was truly divine – I feel so much more well equipped to be a mother now that I’ve gone through this hardship and gotten to know myself better. I pray deeply that you are able to find the same peace and happiness that comes with a positive mindset.
Roxy and Riley Atha were born April 12, 2022 — almost two years to the day that Tyler and I began our journey into parenthood. If you are struggling to get pregnant, you are not alone! Please reach out to me on Instagram as I would love to connect with you and encourage you throughout your journey.
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